The High Road
by Morbid Muse
Summary: What if Sydney took the higher, moral road and decided she couldn’t send Sloane off certain to death – therefore killing Vaughn?
1. Inner Turmoil

Author: AmandaB9@aol.com  
  
Fandome: Alias  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Timeline: AU for Counteragent  
  
Disclaimer: I don't 'em.  
  
Chapters: There is more if you want it.  
  
Shipper: Vaughn/Sydney Romance/Angst  
  
Summary: What if Sydney took the higher, moral road and decided she couldn't send Sloane off certain to death - therefore killing Vaughn?  
  
Feedback: Yes please!  
  
Warning: High Angst and Character Death  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 - Inner Turmoil  
  
Sydney's POV:  
  
Oh God, I can't handle this.  
  
My father is right. There is another choice. There is always another choice. No matter how much we hate to even think of the other choice, it is there.  
  
To not kill Sloane.  
  
To let Vaughn die.  
  
When did I become in charge of people's lives? When did I receive the power to suddenly decide which person gets to stay alive and which doesn't?  
  
A trade off of life and I am somehow the trader.  
  
Someone has to die. That much is certain. Wheater it is an evil man who kills or a good man who saves is the only difference.  
  
If I keep thinking of it like that, I can almost even not feel guilty. Pretend there is just one choice like I told my father.  
  
But in my heart I know there isn't.  
  
I am no God; far from it. So who am I to send anyone, even Sloane, into a death trap?  
  
No one; no one but a stupid little girl with a growing crush and too much power over the life of another person.  
  
And I know my father is right. I know that I can't do it.  
  
I can't be held responsible for Sloane. I can't kill him. Even if it isn't my hand that kills him I'll know it was my fault. And that's all that really matters, if I know and can still live with it. I can't.  
  
I guess that's good, it means that I am not Sloane or Sark. Not yet.  
  
So I'll stay on the thigh road and basically kill Vaughn.  
  
Oh God, I can't handle this.  
  
=(Amanda(= 


	2. And the Sick Get Sicker

Chapter 2: And the Sick Get Sick  
  
Vaughn just keeps getting worse. Yesterday I wouldn't have thought it possible but then today came with all its glory.  
  
Glory for Sloane, who gets to live without wondering why he wouldn't.  
  
Not for Vaughn, who could die today. Today is his third day after signs of illness showed and I really don't think I have ever been this scared before in my life. Not a small feat.  
  
Not for Sark, who was cheated out of getting what he freed me for.  
  
Not for the CIA, who has to watch Vaughn die, cover his position, and make sure Sark doesn't retaliate towards me for not delivering Sloane after he let me live.  
  
Not for me, who has held Vaughn's hand every minute possible through the protection glass as I watch the man I couldn't help falling for deteriorate in front of me. Nor for my conscious which isn't sure this really is the higher road.  
  
Right now I am sitting in front of a barely conscious Vaughn just stroking his hand. He is in pain and delirious but that isn't anything new. The drugs they are giving him to ease the pain makes him sleep most of the time and be only half wake even when he doesn't.  
  
"Tell them, Alice. They won't believe me. Go on, they'll listen to you," Vaughn babbles towards me.  
  
"Shhhhhhh," I try to comfort him as he starts to thrash.  
  
Comfort him. and myself. How sick is it that at a time as unbearable as this, I still wonder why he thinks of Alice and not me?  
  
"Go on Alice! Tell them how we're through. How I am really with."  
  
"Agent Bristow?"  
  
I let out a frustrated sigh.  
  
Who is he with? Would he have said me? Would I have wanted to know if it isn't my name that was next out of his lips? When exactly did I become so twisted that this is what I worry about when Vaughn is in pain and dying?  
  
"Agent Bristow?" the voice from behind me is firmer now.  
  
I turn my head around without dropping my hand from Vaughn's. Not that he would notice, he has returned to speaking of Alice and how important it is that she comes clean to 'them'.  
  
"I have news from your father. He says that he is encountering more difficulty than expected with keeping up appearances at SD-6. He doubts the cover will hold for another day."  
  
I stare at the messenger for a minute.  
  
"I'll be there when I am done here."  
  
That rhymed. I almost smile. Almost.  
  
The messenger looks down and scares away. I get the feeling she about to cry.  
  
I almost feel bad. Almost.  
  
I turn all my attention back to Vaughn, who has finally stopped struggling. Sleep has taken over again.  
  
And once more I am all alone. 


	3. Death's Release

Author's Note: In a review, 'Alias Fan' wrote; "In the end of the episode nobody ended up dead." In case this was unclear to anyone in the beginning I said this story was *AU* for the episode. AU means Alternate Universe, or changing what was established in the episode. I took the story line and ran with it. I realize that nobody died on the show, I am just exploring what *could* have happened. I hope no one else was confused.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Death's Release  
  
Vaughn died this morning at 7:00 a.m.  
  
I sat beside him right up until the end. Watched him slowly and painfully take his last breaths. Watched the doctors and nurses do everything they medically could without any hope it would work.  
  
I swear he looked right at me before his final release. He turned towards me and I swear he looked right at me in his last moments.  
  
I have never hated myself or my decisions more.  
  
He was just so frail and discolored. In so much pain for so long. And it didn't even have to happen, I could have stopped it.  
  
Why did I listen to the CIA? Why did I follow my conscious? Why didn't Sark follow me to ensure I would kill Sloane? There would have been nothing I could do to avert it.  
  
I wouldn't feel so guilty. I wouldn't be alone again.  
  
Vaughn would still be alive.  
  
If I'd had more time, another week or so to think it over, I probably wouldn't have made this decision. Vaughn would be alive even if Sloane would be dead.  
  
And I wouldn't be going crazy.  
  
Because right now I am really think that I am. Tossing around the same information back and forth in my mind. Replaying the same situations in my head. Replaying painful moments and wondering how things could be different. My inability to focus or work at all.  
  
The fact that I haven't been able to leave Vaughn's body since seven.  
  
Today I have to go back to SD-6 and watch Sloane. I have to pay attention to a new assignment and then report it to my new handler.  
  
It was hard enough when I thought he had drowned before. The effect of Vaughn's death the "second" time hasn't made it any easier. As a matter of fact, it just got harder. I would never have believed it before, but now I know it is true.  
  
And now I carry around the guilt of his death. All because I had to take the high road, which turns out, not to be the higher road after all.  
  
=(Amanda(= 


End file.
